You like this?
- Hello, gorgeous!
- You fucking pushed me!
- Robyn.
Robyn.
Robyn, Robyn, I think that's your phone.
Um.
- Oh, shit.
I'm sorry. - Um, but, but,
if I could just get to that threshold, and stop, but I, I...
Uh, yeah, but of course, I wouldn't stop.
I'm not sure what triggered it, honestly.
Sometimes I feel like I can see it coming,
but sometimes it just, it's there, it takes you by surprise.
So, yeah, we had this fight,
and I can't really remember what it was about.
Me being an idiot again, probably.
-I'm sorry.
It's off.
You being an idiot?
- Yeah, right.
So, the next thing I know I'm in the disabled toilets,
hitting the nose bag,
and getting a hand job off one of the male waiters,
and the sense of, of...
- Uber for Robyn.
- Yep.
Thank you.
Bye.
- Hi. - Ah, hey Rob, mwah.
- You're late.
You went to a meeting? - Mm-hmm.
- For real?
Baby, that is fantastic.
Come.
- Don't make a thing of it.
- Guys, wines away, Diet Cokes all round.
- Oh!
- Oh, we're doing this again, are we?
- Oh! - What, I'm kidding.
It's great news, great news, Rob.
Diet Coke it is.
- That's sweet, but just because I'm a fuck up,
doesn't have to ruin everyone else's night.
- Rob, we're here to support you, right?
- Yeah, just tell us whatever you need, Sis.
- I need you to stop treating me like a Make a Wish kid,
and have a drink.
I'm NA, not AA, it's fine.
- Sure? - Yes.
- Well, thank Christ for that.
Haven't had dinner sober since the 90s.
- Really proud of you.
- Oh, no, no, go ahead, serve yourself babe, good.
I'm just making sure it's not corked.
- But to be honest, it's kinda strange at first,
but then it's liberating,
like the first time you wore a swimming cap.
- God, but all of it?
It just seems so exposing.
I' mean, God, let's not forget,
I have pushed two babies out of that bad boy.
- I think you should try it.
- You do not get a say in the grooming of my snooch.
- Snooch?
- Yes Sam, my snooch, do you have a problem with that?
- 1 do not have a problem with your snooch, no.
- Er, excuse me, my wife's minge you're talking about.
- Tell you what, I will shave mine if you will shave yours.
- Deal. - No!
- Why not, porn stars do it all the time.
Don't tell me you've never shaved your balls.
- No, but you are one hairy motherfucker, though, man.
- Oh my god, you're right, where would he start and stop?
- It'd be like when you shave a square off a dog
for an operation.
- I'll stop at the knees and the nipples.
I'm serious, it's here to here, completely hairless.
Just zip. - I'm gonna puke.
- Plus, makes your dick look bigger apparently.
So, who'll be the one laughing then?
- Pretty sure it'll still be us, mate.
- Hun, sure you want another?
- Well, that is you told.
- That it is, right, I am gonna go for a smoke.
- Oh no, you're not.
-Yes I am.
- I'm gonna join you.
- Wedded bliss.
Didn't know he was smoking again.
- Yeah, that's an exciting new development.
Hey, Robyn!
- Come on, watching people get slowly drunk
is like being Stevie Wonder at a fireworks display.
I'm going for him, not me.
As long as he's happy.
- Public relations.
- Hello. - When the phone rings,
you answer.
-I'm sorry, I just - -Idon't care if you've been
in a car crash, both your arms are broken,
and you've got a mouthful of shattered teeth.
You spit them out, get someone else to hold the phone,
and you murmur me a gummy response, that clear?
- That's pretty clear.
- Summer Bolton's been dropped by her record label.
Roundtable, 9 a.m.
- Yep.
- One of the mothers at Kelly's school
once got it all waxed,
and she said it made her moo like a cow.
Literally, she was on all fours,
and she mooed like a poked cow.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh god, no!
- Working hard, I see.
Is that the guy from Dragons' Den?
What the hell is he doing?
- He wants to get on I'm a Celeb,
so he sent me an audition tape of him eating things.
He's already eaten three earthworms, a chicken's foot,
and now he's going for the sheep's testicle.
- Ooh! - Ooh, whoa!
Tough little buggers those, aren't they?
- Oh, god!
It's like a meat cream egg.
- Don't you already have everyone in place for this year?
- Yeah, yeah, weeks ago.
But seeing as he repeatedly tried to touch Fanny Lennox
at last year's Christmas party,
I thought I'd keep his dreams alive a little longer.
- Fanny Lennox?
- My new name for the notorious V-A-G.
So, you in this roundtable?
- Yep. - Remind me of the deets again?
- Eve Carter Price,
are you telling me you haven't done your homework?
- Okay, so I was doing it,
but then I got booty called by the imp.
- You shouldn't call him that.
- Why, he's like five-four, that's why he's always so angry.
Anyway, so we're, like, half a bottle of Bombay,
and started having one of those flirty conversations
about how kinky we are on a scale of one to 10.
- Mm, tricky, ‘cause anything under five,
and you're gonna sound like a prude.
- But go too high and you're basically saying,
piss on me, I'm a slut, I know.
- think I'd go seven.
- That's what I thought, safe seven.
A bit of bondage, bum sex, if forewarned,
like spanking, everyone's a winner.
So, proceedings get underway, and suddenly this happens.
- Is that a cigarette burn?
- Shouldn't have even been smoking in the flat.
If my landlord finds out, she will shit kittens.
- Jesus, what did you do?
- I elbowed him in the face, broke his nose.
Blood everywhere.
Unfortunately, this just turned up on even more.
- Christ, Eve!
- This is good, you're freaking out, I freaked out.
I was worried I was being uptight.
- No, you chucked him out, right?
- Of course, this morning.
- Eve. - I know.
Not my finest moment, but I did break the guy's nose.
- It's always the short ones.
- I know, right?
Lucky I didn't say I was a 10.
- Robyn, here's that info you wanted on Summer Bolton.
- Ooh, you sneaky bitch!
- I printed it in duplicate.
Is she coming in?
My mum loves her.
- What are the headlines?
- Okay, well, she won Britain's Got Talent two years ago,
when she was 15.
- I thought the great dancing granddads
won it two years ago?
- No, that was last year,
but they only made it to the semis,
because they got beaten by those boys
with all the talking fruit.
Anyway, her first album won two Classical Brits,
then she had a Christmas number one with a charity single
for Help for Heroes called Lovely Boys,
and her manager is her mother, Joan.
- Oh Christ, a mumager.
- Ruthless beasts.
There was a girl at my prep school
whose mother gave our drama teacher a hand job,
just so that her daughter could play the lead
in the school play,
which ironically happened to be Daisy Pulls it Off.
- Thanks for this.
Your hair looks nice, by the way.
Oh, thanks.
- A few more of those,
you'll be able to start you own currency.
- I'm doing it for real this time.
Time to grow up, be a good girl.
- You are a good girl.
You're one of the best girls I know.
Are you familiar with the story
of the scorpion and the frog?
- Did they go out to sea in a beautiful pea green boat?
- No, that was somebody else.
So, scorpion asks the frog for a ride across the river.
The frog's like, as if, you'll sting me,
and the scorpion's like, of course I won't.
If I sting you, I'll drown, too.
So, froggy agrees.
They reach the middle of the river, and suddenly, zap,
the scorpion stings the crap out of the frog.
And as they sink slowly in the black water,
the frog looks up, and is like,
why did you do that, why did you do that,
why did you do that?
And the scorpion just stares down at him and says,
it's in my nature.
And they both drown.
- As much as I hate to break up this little pow-wow,
Caroline has arich teenager in her boardroom,
and she doesn't like to keep those waiting.
- Okay, Summer's label
are going to announce the news on Friday,
so we have until then to turn this
from a car crash into the Gumball Rally.
She wants to ditch the classical and move into adult pop.
Our job is a top-down rebrand.
- She's heading in a very different direction.
It's much edgier.
- She's working with Tinie Tempah.
- Look, people just think of me as a little girl,
but I'm not.
I wanna be taken seriously.
- She wants to be sexy.
- Swift sexy, or Rihanna sexy?
- Rihanna sexy.
- Well - Budget?
- Limited. - Drug habit?
Few track marks, easily done.
Not very sexy, not for a girl.
- Mental breakdown.
Shave your head, piss in a bucket, buy a monkey.
- No mental breakdowns, no substance abuse.
That only works for actresses.
- Criminal boyfriend?
- Too much of a slow burn.
- 1 don't care what I have to do.
I'm 17 years old and I'm not ready for my career to be over.
My best friend works six days a week in H&M
for, like, 400 pounds.
Fuck that. - Summer!
- What about a sex tape?
There hasn't been a good one of those in a while.
- Okay, hang on just a second.
- Not really classy.
- But is classy really what we're going for here?
- Ooh, lesbians.
- Lesbians, perfect.
On trend, and much less seedy than straight.
- Certainly wouldn't look like a little girl anymore.
- It's well shot, intended for private use.
Grown-up, sophisticated, think Madonna.
- Old Madonna, not old Madonna.
- Then it gets leaked, hacked from your cloud,
you're horrified, you make a public admission,
how betrayed you feel.
- Getting the sympathy vote from the girls.
- Whilst turning yourself into a filthy little minx.
- Nation's sweetheart's dirty secret.
- And if the new album tanks, sell the tape online.
Still make a fortune.
- And we can turn this around in 48 hours?
- Absolutely.
- Now, hold on just a second.
This is my daughter we're talking about.
It's pornography.
I play golf with men who watch pornography.
- Dad, this is my career.
- Summer, you can't - Mum, tell him.
- Darling. - Joan, you can't seriously...
- This is her life, and if she wants to make a sex tape,
she can make a sex tape.
Unless, of course, you wanna stop using her royalties
to pay off our mortgage.
Oh no, of course you can't,
‘cause you got fired from your job
for asking your secretary to sit on the photocopier.
- Excellent.
Well, we'll leave you to discuss,
and I'll get the girls to draw up some ideas.
- Hi, heard there was a problem with the...
- Yeah, hi, um,
I'had troubles printing, but it's working again.
- Oh, okay.
Great.
- Do you want a biscuit?
I made them for the office,
but Eve told me to throw them away
‘cause they've got flour in them.
- Oh, right.
Okay.
Well, I'm sure the guys downstairs will be more grateful.
Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Hot coffee in my mouth.
- And I need you to make me a list of every female celeb
between the ages of 16 and 35 with something to sell,
records, movies, themselves, I don't care.
Low moral fibre preferred.
- Will do that.
So, what's she like? -Hm?
- Summer, is she nice?
- She's a sweetheart.
- I knew she would be.
- You can help us with her sex tape if you like.
- Sex tape?
- Yes.
- Of Summer Bolton? - Yes.
- Having sex? - Yes.
- You have a tape of Summer Bolton having sex?
- No, we're making a tape of Summer Bolton having sex.
Robyn, I think this one's broken, where do we get a new one?
- Oh my goodness!
- I still need that list, Melody.
- Okay.
Oh my goodness!
Yes, cool, no problem.
That is cool.
- Bless.
If my coffee comes back cold again,
I'm just gonna throw it in her face.
- Robyn, there's a man in a polyester suit
waiting in reception for you.
- Sorry to bother you at work.
I was just in the area, thought I'd pop in, say hello.
- What were you doing in the area?
- You know, looking for your office.
Okay, good, uh, you know earlier in the year,
I said that I was leaving my position at work,
but staying within the company to become a contractor?
Earlier in the year?
I talked to you and Ruth about it loads, no?
Okay, uh, well I said it didn't make any sense
staying on a salary when they kept hiring these contractors
who were getting paid almost double what I was,
and they were getting to choose their own hours,
and even though there was some minor risk to job security,
that's-—- - Mark,
I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
- I've lost my job.
- What? - I mean, it's fine.
Just a blip, but, um,
the company I'm working for are cutting back,
and as I'm strictly speaking no longer an employee, they...
Hey, I'll find something else, okay?
- When did this happen? - Three months ago.
- And Ruth doesn't know?
- I thought something else would come up.
And what am I supposed to say to her?
Hi honey, how are you?
By the way, don't bother fixing dinner,
‘cause I can't afford any food to feed the kids.
- Where the hell have you been going
for the past thee months? - I dunno, cafes, parks.
Sometimes I just stay on the Circle Line
til it's time to go home. - You have to tell her.
- You better than anyone know what she's like with money.
Remember when she was pregnant?
She will freak out.
She's obsessed she'll end up broke like her mum.
It took me three years to persuade her
we can afford Sky Television,
and we still haven't got the movie package.
- Why are you telling me?
- I don't know, you're good at fixing things for people.
Look, there's stuff on the horizon.
I just need something to get us through the next few weeks.
- If Ruth finds out that I' know and she doesnt,
she is gonna lose her shit,
and I know you've seen my sister angry.
She makes Chris Brown look like a fucking hippie.
- Yes, well I don't know who that is, but look, Robyn,
I'm not asking you for me.
- You have one month to sort your shit out,
and then I tell her.
What is it you do again?
- Well, essentially what I do is
design networks for multinationals.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, computers, right?
- Right.
- So, this is how it's gonna work.
We make the tape, we share it discretely with a few sources,
the highest bidder then leaks it onto their website,
and you get paid a predetermined sum
in the form of legal damages.
After an agreed period of time,
we then remove the tape and place an injunction
to prevent other people from using the footage.
At that time, should you so choose,
we can further monetize the tape.
- Monetize it?
- This is Mark, our technical communications specialist.
He'll explain how it all works.
- Right, yes, um.
Thank you, Robyn.
Well, what we would do
is set up a number of third-party sites
which couldn't be linked back to you.
These sites would then stream the tape
for a fee, or royalties,
all of which would be transferred directly to you.
- Minus Mark and our commissions, obviously.
Now, this amount can vary greatly,
depending on if you're a Titmuss or a Kardashian.
I'd say Summer is somewhere between the two.
So, here's a list of potential co-stars.
- Oh god, I hate her.
- She's lovely, we saw her on Graham Norton, didn't we Ed?
- Who's that one at the bottom?
- She's an Olympian, no medals though.
- Oh, an Olympian.
- Too muscly.
- My personal opinion, this is the one, Carly Peters.
Everyone loves a soap star,
plus she just got her contract cancelled
for using the N word on Twitter,
so this would be a perfect opportunity for her
to prove that she's not a racist.
It also means she'll be cheap.
- I like her. - Great.
We'll get her in this afternoon for some STD checks.
- STD checks?
- Just to, you know, be on the safe side.
- Safe, not sorry, Summer.
- Well, you guys sit tight.
I'l get to work, and my assistant will get you some lunch.
- Sorry, my mum, my mum just loves you, by the way.
When you did Castle on a Cloud at the Royal Variety,
you had us both gushing.
- This is the list of websites you need to talk to.
- Right.
- And I need you to sign this.
- What's this?
- It's a non-disclosure agreement.
- Christ, this is what you do all day?
I thought you just flounced around,
drinking white wine, and air kissing.
- Now, please.
I'm sorry if I was unsupportive earlier.
I think what you're doing is great.
What?
You know, NA, Sam, being a grown up.
I only take the piss ‘cause it's easier for me
to be a hot mess if my best friend's a hot mess, too.
Don't worry babe, I'll always be a mess.
You know, I think about it sometimes,
finding a boy to run me baths and cook me dinners.
The problem is, I know the minute I find someone nice enough
to run me a bath, I'll probably drown them in it.
I guess that's why I'm doomed to life as a human ashtray.
Oh, ballbags!
- What?
I've just pissed on my grandma's ring.
- What is that?
For the STD lady.
- You're getting checked, too?
- Damn straight.
How often does the mountain come to Mohammed?
It saves me a job this quarter.
You should get involved.
- Yeah, the last time I pissed in a cup was at Glastonbury.
- Fill your boots.
- 1 almost did.
- Hi. - Come on then.
- I actually just wanted to ask a couple of questions.
Is that okay?
- Okay.
- How reliable is the contraceptive pill?
- No form of contraceptive is 100%
-No, I appreciate that,
but is that just some old wives tale
you tell teenage girls to stop them being all slutty,
or can I actually get pregnant?
- You can actually get pregnant.
- My boyfriend and I are trying for a baby.
- But you're on the pill?
- It's complicated.
My mother was a difficult woman.
She made life difficult for a lot of people,
including her children.
I just wouldn't...
Where do you stand on the whole nature, nurture thing?
- I'm just a nurse, honey.
- You know, there are still tribes in South America
that believe that babies that are made
from a combination of sperm from multiple males.
The mom has sex with a bunch of different dudes,
and then they all share in the upbringing of the child.
I'had sex with some other guy,
a client actually, and now I'm a week late.
- So, let me get this straight.
You're trying for a baby with your boyfriend,
but you had sex with someone who isn't your boyfriend,
but you're on the pill,
and you're worried that you're pregnant,
or you want to be pregnant?
- I mess everything up
and I wouldn't want to mess up something like that.
- Why are you telling me all this?
- You have that doctor-patient confidentiality thing, right?
- I'm not a doctor, but yes.
- I am trying to be better,
but what if I don't actually have better in me?
- You should find someone to talk to who isn't a stranger.
- Hello?
- There's something going on with Mark.
- What do you mean?
- I was going through his pockets,
and I found this list of websites.
Rob, you should've seen some of the stuff on there.
Have you ever heard of a boocake?
- A what?
- It's when a lady just sits there with her mouth open,
while a gang of men hover over her
like they're all angrily watering the same plant.
- Oh, bukkake.
It's awful, I've googled it,
and it says it can have a serious affect on your life.
- Bukkake? - No, porn addiction!
- What? - It all makes sense.
This is why he's been acting so weird
for the last few weeks.
They say it can cause depression,
it can affect your relationships, your work.
- Hun, I'm sure there's a more logical explanation.
- We have not had sex in nine weeks.
I mean, we've had droughts before,
but usually after a week or two
I at least get a sleepy erection
pressed into the small of my back.
- Too much information.
- Do you think I should confront him about it?
- No, no, just,
give it a bit more time, I'm sure it'll sort itself out.
- Sort?
- Look, I have to go,
but I'll pop round tomorrow, all right?
- This is so exciting.
Reminds me of the old days.
I used to be a bit of an actress myself before I had Summer.
I always loved being on set.
- How's she doing?
- Yeah, she's great, she's really excited.
Rob?
Carly, great to see you.
- Hiya. - Come in.
Wow, you look great, love those shoes.
This is Summer, who you'll be having sex with this morning.
- Hiya.
- Nice to meet you, Carly.
I thought you were just great in Emmerdale.
- Listen, just so it's all cleared up, that Twitter stuff,
I was just retweeting a joke someone said.
I got nothing against blacks.
- Great, okay.
You two should probably decide what you wanna do.
The choreography is totally up for grabs,
but just be prepared that if it's too soft,
people are gonna call bullshit.
- Sure. -I'm cool,
I just don't wanna shove anything up anywhere or nothing.
- Understood, you okay with nudity?
- As long as it's tasteful.
- Hi. - This is Peter, the director.
- So, plan is to keep it really glossy and premium.
We'll go for a narrow depth of field, shooting in 4K,
with beautiful backlighting for that sensual feel.
- Sure.
- We're going with the narrative
that it's Carly's boyfriend behind the camera.
- Clever.
- How's your porn talk?
- Porn talk? - Sex tape 101.
There's nothing worse than seeing a woman
with the dead eyes of a shark
mumbling her way through it like it's homework,
naming no names, Paris Hilton.
So, plenty of, oh, yeah,
that's it, that's it, that kinda thing.
Plenty of, uh, squeaks and squeals, always good.
Little bit of a tremble.
Just have fun with it, and be creative.
Ooh, stick it up there, scissor me.
Come on, you filthy bitch, suck it like a fig.
- Sorry, I just...
- Can somebody get her some mints or something?
- Summer?
- She's never normally like this, it must be stage fright.
- Summer, it's Robyn, can I come in?
You know, you don't have to do this.
- Sweetie, there's a lot of people out here
putting in a lot of effort into getting this done for you.
Remember what we always say?
Being professional is doing the things you love to do
on the days you don't feel like doing them.
She'll be fine.
I remember her first Lion King audition at 11.
Bundle of nerves, all worried about missing school,
all this nonsense.
Gets in the room, blew it.
Can't remember her words, forgets all the steps, useless.
So, when we get home I make her pay back
all our train fares up to London out of her pocket money,
so she'd understand the sacrifices people make for her.
Never fluffed an audition again.
Summer, you open that door right now, young lady.
- Summer, if you're not 100% comfortable,
we can pull the plug.
- I don't wanna be unprofessional.
- You're not. - Mum'll be furious.
- Don't take this the wrong way,
but your mum's being a bit of a cunt.
This is your call.
- I'm scared that I'm gonna look like an idiot.
- There's a whole team of people out there
whose job it is to make sure you look great.
- You don't understand, I don't know what I'm doing.
- Well, why don't you just pretend
you're having sex with your boyfriend, or something?
-No, I literally mean I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm a virgin.
- And?
- Well, she's terrified.
- And?
- She doesn't wanna do the tape.
- So, convince her.
- I'm not sure I should be convincing
a 17-year-old to do pornography.
- Well, what is it you think we do, Robyn?
The glossy, well-thumbed magazines,
the websites full of salacious little thumbnails?
The Mail Online's essentially Pornhub for the masses.
- I thought Pornhub was Pornhub for the masses.
- In less than 17 hours,
news will be out that Summer has been dropped by her label,
and when that happens her career will be over.
She'll be on the scrapheap by 18,
a couple of years of panto if she's lucky.
Then nothing but the wasteland of reality television awaits.
You can't save her soul, focus on her career.
She may be playing coy now,
but when she's gone from hot to not,
she'll be sucking a runner off in an alleyway
for a 30-second opening on Good Morning Britain,
just to keep the dream alive.
- Couldn't we just... - This was your idea,
you make it work, or instead of a sex tape,
we'll be making a snuff tape of me murdering you,
which I shall sell the recoup the money you've wasted
hiring all these people not to make a sex tape.
Keep it coming.
I want to look like a 10-year-old boy before you're done.
I can't believe she's a virgin.
- Wow, when I was Summer's age,
my hymen was a long-forgotten dream.
- We can't force her to lose her virginity.
- Oh come on, it's with a girl, girls don't count.
- I watched her duet with Bryn Terfel on Children in Need.
- We could get her drunk.
That what I do when I don't wanna have sex with someone.
Look, we've all had to fake it at some point in our lives.
It's an unfortunate inevitability of the human condition.
- That's it.
- What's what?
- Body double.
- But where on Earth are we gonna find
a five-foot-three 17-year-old
who's willing to have sex on camera at such short notice?
- What are you, like, four-four?
I'm white, if you haven't noticed,
and I'm not gonna pretend to have sex
with a racist soap actress on camera for money, okay?
There is a line.
- Who said anything about money?
- Okay, you call every adult entertainment company
within a 30-mile radius and see if they have anyone
who matches Summer's description.
You try escort agencies, massage parlours.
Go to the nearest phone box
and look at the cards on the wall if you have to.
I'll deal with upstairs.
-Ed! - Joan, hi.
Is everything all right?
- Of course, we're just ironing out a few kinks.
Do you know where Carly is?
- 1 think she's getting changed.
Um, what sort of kinks?
-I'm so sorry.
Hello?
- Right, all set up and ready to go,
just as soon as I receive the file.
Great.
- How are things your end?
What?
Yeah, fine.
- Exciting, isn't it?
I feel like a spy. - Yeah.
- Listen, Rob, I just wanted to say,
thank you very much again for helping me out like this.
- It's fine.
- I mean, to be honest it got to a point where I.
- What are you doing out here?
- Uh, nothing.
Is that Ruth?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Who are you on the phone to?
- Uh, it's, sorry, it's work.
Yeah, um, that's fine,
I will get onto that just as soon as I have in a minute.
I'l be out in a sec.
- I thought she thought you were still at work.
- Yeah, well, I told her I had to work from home today.
I needed my computer to set up the transfers.
- Don't call me again, I'll drop the footage
by tonight, okay? - Yeah, Rob, I, good.
Carly?
- Want one?
- How do you feel about having sex with someone else?
- What do you mean?
- We're looking into getting a body double for Summer.
She's shy.
- Will it affect me fee?
- Nope.
- Then I don't care who I'm pretending to have sex with.
- Hello?
- Okay, something funny is definitely going on!
- What? - 1 just walked in on Mark
hiding in the shed on the phone to somebody.
-So? - So, you should've seen his face!
He looked like Kelly after she's eaten one of my lipsticks.
- Last night you said he was addicted to porn.
- Yes, well what if it's worse than that?
I dunno, he seemed super shady,
and I heard a woman's voice on the other end of the line.
- Mark worships the ground you walk on.
He would never do anything to hurt you or the kids.
Look, I gotta go.
I'll pop by after work, okay?
- Okay, bye. - love you.
Okay, so there's been a change of plans.
We're gonna be using a double for Summer,
so we're gonna need to go with a grungier,
handheld, amateur feel, just to cover
- Will this double be expecting a share of the royalty, too?
- Robyn, can I get a word?
- Would you excuse me for just a moment, please?
- Okay, so I've called everywhere.
All the adult film companies are talking about unions,
and licences, and asking if we have a permit.
- Okay, okay, what about you?
- No escort agencies were happy
for their girls to appear on film.
I've got a few leads I can follow up on,
but it's a long shot.
- Okay, keep trying,
but if you have no luck in the next half hour,
I guess we'll just have to cancel.
- Cancel?
What about Summer?
This is her career we're talking about.
- We're trying everything we can to make this work.
- Well, she'll just have to do it herself.
- Mrs Bolton, your daughter is uncomfortable with this.
Now, that may not be an issue for you,
but I'm afraid it is an issue for me.
- I beg your pardon?
- Look, we've still got 17 hours left.
We could get her a tattoo or a cocaine addiction.
It's not gonna set the world alight,
but it may go some way to counteracting...
-Ilidoit.
- Excuse me?
- Well, we're the same height, same size.
People are always mistaking us for sisters.
- Really? - My Pilates teachers says
I still have the body of an 18-year-old.
So, I may as well let somebody bloody see it for a change.
- Are you sure you... - I've spent a lifetime
getting this girl to where she is today.
Not all of us were afforded those opportunities,
and I do not intend for it to be over
before it's barely begun.
So, let's just get this over and done with, shall we?
♪ Sometimes if I close my eyes ♪
♪ Tight enough ♪
♪ If the light is shining just ♪
♪ Bright enough ♪
♪ All the sounds will slowly fade to somewhere ♪
♪ Oh, so far away from here ♪
♪ Where monsters don't go ♪
♪ And nobody knows who I am ♪
♪ And they can't get to me ♪ - Oh yeah!
- Get me the number of her Pilates instructor.
Oh yeah, suck it like a fig!
- Girl's a natural.
- When's it going live?
- Being uploaded tonight.
It'll have leaked before any news of her deal gets out.
- Oh yeah! - Turn off now.
It's reminding me of boarding school.
Jesus!
- Well, whatever happens with Summer's career,
I think you've done wonders for her parents' marriage.
- I'm gonna have to phone my mum and break the news.
- Melody, I think this is for you.
- Ooh, IT boy wants to log into your, um,
don't know any computer words, something funny.
- Stop it! - Seriously though,
not really gonna go out with an IT boy, are you?
- Melody, go out with whoever you like.
Eve's just jealous ‘cause there's no RAM on her hard drive.
- Oh, there it is!
- You know, right now would be a good time to say something
about you keeping your dick in your pants.
- I know, I know.
- Good, it really bums me out when you pull stuff like this.
- I'm trying, I really do wanna be better.
- I know, I know you do, I know.
Oh man, I remember when I did this
for the first time around, ho-ho!
The feeling of it being real just hits you like a truck,
like all at once.
Up until that point in my life nothing had ever been so
permanent, you know?
I just kept staring at it 'til my eyes went blurry.
Then I think I cried for, like, a day.
Then I was really happy.
- You're not helping.
- Okay, all right, don't stare at it.
Just, mm, name me the 50 states.
- What? - Hey,
something to take your mind off of it.
- I'm not in kindergarten, I'm not naming the 50...
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona,
Arkansas, California, Colorado, Delaware
- You missed Connecticut. Connecticut, Delaware
Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho.
Illinois, Indiana, lowa, Kansas
Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts
- Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Mississippi.
What does it say?
- I'm not pregnant. - Okay!
Okay, well, that's good.
That's what you wanted, right?
- Absolutely!
Absolutely.
- Yeah, good.
Mummy, I need a poo!
- Thank you for letting us know.
- I'll leave you to it. - Okay, thank you.
Hi, honey.
- And next.
Welcome to my weird office.
How may I help you?
- Here. - Thank you.
- Oh! - Oh yeah!
- Blimey, she did not do that on Britain's Got Talent.
Oh, right there!
- Oh, sorry! - Oh yeah!
Shove it up there, you dirty bitch!
- You were right.
I opened his laptop to send an email and it was right there.
- Yes, I, um-
- He's a porn addict. - 1, what?
Oh yes, suck it like a fig!
Yeah! - Is this a thing?
-No, I... Mark, seriously,
I want you to be honest with me.
- I... - Oh yes, oh!
- I'm addicted to porn.
- Jesus, Mark. -I'm so sorry.
- Why wouldn't you tell me?
- I... - Ooh!
- Oh, oh yeah! - Was ashamed.
- 1 was. - Oh yeah!
- Sorry, I'm just gonna mute this for a second.
- Maybe I should just...
- I mean, why would you think you have to lie
about something like this?
Mark, I mean, God, you know,
you need to go off into the shed and have a handy?
Just lock the door, you know, I don't...
I mean, that's not a relationship, is it,
where you can't even tell me if something is wrong?
You can talk to me, you stupid a-hole!
God, I mean, who knows,
maybe I would even wanna watch it with you, you know?
I'm not so vanilla that I can't...
. - Ah! h my god!
- Oh yes! - Is that Summer Bolton?
- Mm. - Yeah, give it to me, oh!
- I'm just gonna leave you two.
Yeah!
- My goodness!
What must her poor mother think?
Oh yes!
- Hey, what's up?
- Okay, don't be annoyed at me or anything.
I swear I wasn't being stalkery.
I just, I saw it in the bin.
- What?
Did you, I mean-
- 1 was a couple of days late, so I did it as a precaution,
but I'm not...
- Okay, I'm just, I'm sorry, I just,
I saw it, and my heart was just, like.
I' mean, I know we're trying, but I,
seeing it just made me feel that it was so much more real.
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to panic you.
-No, no, no, I wasn't panicked, I was,
I don't know, I was happy.
- Really?
- Yeah, I mean, it's mental.
You know I've got a fear because of my dad not being around,
and my little sister doing it too young,
and watching them struggle,
but I saw it, and it just made me feel like,
it was a feeling in my gut that said, yeah, we'd crush it.
Not literally, I'm sorry, no, we,
I' know I sound like a nutjob right now, but...
- You weren't scared?
- Scared?
No, I was, yes, I was scared, but more excited, though.
Legit.
- love you.
- I love you too, kid.
- Do you wanna take another run at it?
- Absolutely.
- Just give me five minutes.
♪ Please don't go ♪
♪ It's happiest that you know ♪
♪ I'm around and I've no intent on leaving ♪
♪ Please just turn ♪
♪ You said you will, but you won't ♪
♪ 1 wanna tell you that I never stopped believing ♪
♪ Round we go ♪
♪ Open up to me ♪
♪ Baby, I'm changing, don't you see ♪
♪ Open up to me ♪
♪ Baby, I'm changing, don't you see ♪
♪ I'm making an effort ♪
♪ Just for us to be together ♪
♪ Won't you just believe ♪
♪ 'Cause baby, I can change, love, please believe ♪
♪ I'm sending a message ♪
♪ just for us to be together ♪
♪ Together ♪
- It's in my nature.
♪ Open up to me ♪
♪ Baby, I'm changing, don't you see ♪
♪ I'm making an effort ♪
♪ Just for us to be together ♪
♪ Together ♪